I was watching the 3-part Liars, Guns, and Money episodes, and i feel so differently about John and Aeryn in these episodes (or really about Aeryn’s feelings for John and their relationship) than I used to.

When they’re at the shadow depository and he’s got the Scorpius clone in his head basically tormenting him, and John is waving his arms around and looking like he's trying to avoid something invisible, Aeryn grabs him and pushes him against the wall and is says “What’s wrong with you?” And he grabs her face and kisses her hard, and she sort of shoves him off and says “What is the matter?” I’d always felt like she was shoving him because she didn’t want him to be kissing her. But actually, if she didn’t want him kissing her, she could have backed away. He was the one with his back against the wall. She pushed him back (but keeps her hands against his chest) so that she could ask what was going on. It was less of a “why are you kissing me?” And more like what she actually said- she wanted to know what was happening to him. So he tells her about Scorpius being in his head.

A minute or two after that, he says to her, “I need to tell you how I feel.” And she says, “No, you don’t.” And he says, “Yes I do.” And she says “No, you don’t.” With a softer tone. And I had previously always felt like she was saying that she didn’t want him to tell her because she didn’t want to hear it. But I realized that she was basically saying that he didn’t have to tell her because she already knows.

And then you get that moment at the end of the episode where he says “I meant what I said… or didn’t say.” And she pulls his head over to rest on her shoulder and says “I know.”

I guess the first few times I watched this episode, I’d been so used to her being afraid to be vulnerable and let him know how she feels that I took it wrong what she was actually saying here. Especially after the Look At the Princess episodes earlier that season, where they basically admitted to their feelings in a roundabout way, but Aeryn wouldn’t actually face her feelings head-on.